Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
