Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
