What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
