his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
this hospital has no fireball
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
