This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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