Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
