sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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