I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
