thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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