I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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