Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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