I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
