If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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