I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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