Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
