...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
