proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
