I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
