If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
