...so i touched it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
