I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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