Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
