Redeem this text for a blowjob
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
