no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
