I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
