I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
