I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
