I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
