How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
