Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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