I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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