I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
