im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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