I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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