I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
