and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
