my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
