Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
