shes about as inviting as chlamydia
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
