false alarm. still invincible.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
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Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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