Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Randomize
