I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
