We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
