Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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