Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
