why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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