i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
