I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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