I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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