so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize