I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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