Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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