and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
