Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
