hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
