Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
