I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize