I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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