Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
