There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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