If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
soo... how was my night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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