hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
