if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize