Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
