I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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