I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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