Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
